How Attitudes Towards Money Make for Conflict
Among the predictors of divorce, money problems rank in the top ten. They are also one of the more common reasons for couple fights. Actors are especially prone to worries about money. By definition, an actor’s work is always temporary. Even the longest-running Broadway show eventually closes. So it is no surprise that money insecurities plague even highly successful working actors.
No surprise, then, that actors can find themselves fighting with their partners about finances. But fights about money are rarely only about pieces of paper with presidential portraits printed on them. Money is often attached to powerful, emotionally-charged beliefs and attitudes that can make disagreements in couples mushroom into full-blown warfare. Often, we don’t even know we have these connections between bucks and beliefs. We just feel the effects, when our anger goes off the charts when we start talking about money.
To start, let’s talk about attitudes towards money. A difference in attitudes can be disastrous, particularly when those differing views are not discussed and thoroughly understood, and where possible, compromises reached. Here are two examples
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Money is vitally important vs. money doesn’t matter as long as you have enough to get by. People holding the first view are likely to be very aware of exactly how much money they have, and how it is spent. They are motivated by money, and very likely their occupation reflects that, either choosing a career that promises considerable financial reward, or security and stability. On the other hand, those to whom money does not matter are more likely to hold other values higher than financial return. Naturally, many actors fall into this category. They may dream of stardom, but know that the chances of making the A-list are slim. The thrill of the performance is much more important. Because money is so important to one, and unimportant to their partner, the possibilities for conflict are many, even to the point of deciding that “we’re just not right for each other.”
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Money is to be invested or saved for the future, vs. money is only a means for living a good life, and acquiring things. Here, the conflict could be even more serious, since it potentially impacts the couple’s joint finances. To the one who values planning and saving, the other wastes money, and never thinks ahead. The partner, on the other hand, could see the former as withholding and miserly.
Most of us do not think about our attitudes towards money, but take them for granted. We may even assume that naturally, our partner holds the same view, only to be shocked to discover that their actions signal a very different mindset. When shared finances are on the line, those differences can explode into relationship-ending fights.
Of course, some couples try to avoid this issue entirely by maintaining completely separate finances. Even so, the consequences of these attitudes may well come up when, for example, the rent comes due and one partner cannot pay their share.
For some, even if each partner is responsible for their own money and expenses, partners may judge each other for their behavior around finances, even to the point of being outraged or contemptuous. This may well be a signal of strong underlying beliefs about money, and we will go further into that in the next article.